A Puppet Carol
by Frenzy-Dementia
Summary: The Puppet shall tell you a story now! A story of PAIN! and TORTURE! and GORE! and BLOOOOOOOD! Ahem. The Puppet shall now start his story... *GASP* Spooky scary skeletons... Rated T for language. And coz it's FNAF. This used to be a Christmas Story... Now it's just plain weird...
1. Chapter 1: A Puppet Carol

_POP! GOES THE WEASEL!_

_Ah, what a merry Christmas I must say! Torturing these individuals 'til they start crying!_

_What a better way to celebrate Christmas then listen to my music?_

_Hm, hm, hm... how lovely! Love this song!_

_Wait? Who's there? Who's interrupting The Puppet in his time of singing?_

_Go away! I have no Christmas story to tell you!_

_What? NO! You stupid, stupid human! You came here to read a story!? I came here to listen to my music! Go away!_

_Ugh... why did we kill Jeremy, Foxy? I want him to wind the box again! I can't do it myself! Damn you, Freddy! Killing Jeremy..._

_Bonnie! I need assistance here! WIND THE MUSIC BOX YOU STUPID BUNNY! I NEED MY MUSIC! DOOOOO ITTTT! Thank you..._

_Alright, so you came here for a story. I understand. Alright, then. I'll give you a story. But don't say I didn't warn you of the blood and gore and DEATH this story shall hold!_

_What? You want a nice Christmas story? You came... to me... for a NICE Christmas story... you must be more insane than me. But now that you've asked, you have to sit down and listen to ol' Marionette's story! Heehee... oh, it's making me smile just thinking about it! THE GORE! THE SUSPENSE! THE HOOOOORRROOOOORRR!_

_Alright, I'm starting, I'm starting..._

_Once upon a time... there was a- what? What are you doing? DON'T TOUCH THE MUSIC BOX YOU FUCKING PIECE OF- Ok, ok. I'm chill. Just don't touch that._

_BONNIE! WIND UP THE SCARY MUSIC BOX! DO IT! NOOOOWWW! Again, thank you for your assistance..._

_*upbeat music starts playing*_

_THAT'S THE WRONG FUCKING MUSIC BOX!_

"Sorry, 'Nette."

_*Scary music starts playing*_

_Thank you. You're so useless sometimes, Bonnie..._

_Once upon a time... there was a Puppet... this puppet was no ordinary puppet. He liked to kill people._

_*gasp*_

_DUN DUN DUUUUUUNNNN!_

_Alright, alright. Tone down on the sound effects. I think this guy gets it._

_He killed people alot. He killed a guy called Jeremy once. It was pretty cool. He ate Jeremy. I dunno why._

_*GASP* *GULP* *HYPERVENTILATE*_

_..._

_Th-wha-what was that?_

_Alright..._

_But this puppet... he hated Christmas._

_"NO WAY!"_

_*SCREAM*_

_*DEATH NOISES*_

_..._

_I hate you, Chica. Tone down on the fuckin' effects._

_He hated Christmas so much that he never gave. He never gave anyone anything._

"I don't think many people give stuff on Christmas, Paul."

_SHUT UP, FREDDY! And my name's not Paul! At least, not anymore. BONNIE! FUCKING DO THE MUSIC BOX AGAIN!_

"Alright, I fucking quit, Paul. That's your problem now."

_Fuck you, Bonnie. FOXY! GET YOUR PIRATE BOOTY DOWN HERE AND WIND UP THE FUCKING MUSIC BOX!_

_Ahem. As I was saying. This puppet hated Christmas. He had lots of money and was a successful lawyer._

_*GASP*_

_What's so scary about being a successful lawyer?_

"Lawyers scare me"

_Ch-Chica, everything scares you... FOXY WIND IT UP AGAIN BEFORE I FUCKI- Thank you..._

_So as I was saying, this puppet never gave. But he had alot of money to spare. Then, one day. A child died._

_DUN DUN DUUUUUUUUN!_

_Because he didn't give money to him. Also, fuck you Chica. FOXY! WIND IT UP AGAIN! Thank you._

"Alright, Ye know what? I quit as well. Fuck ye, ye lily-livered scum."

_Oh, fuck. WAHYU! GET YOUR FUCKING ASS DOWN HERE! GET YOUR FUCKING ASS OUT OF MAGIC ISLAND FOR 10 SECONDS!_

"No way, dickhead!"

_AGHHH! DANNY! COME OVER HERE BEFORE I WHOOP YOUR ASS!_

_THANK YOU! FINALLY! Oh wait, what are you doing! NO! NO! DON'T DO THAT! AHHHHHH!_

_..._

_..._

_..._

_Am I still alive? Coz that horn pierced through my fucking body. Oh, I am? Everything hurts. FUCK YOU, DANNY!_

_Alright, we'll do it without the scary music. Fuck you guys. It's such an easy job. Jeremy can do it. But you bitches can't._

_So as I was saying, this puppet hated Christmas... wait, no. I already said that._

_Erm..._

_Let me just check through the papers here..._

_Ah, I see. So, the boy died. I never read A Christmas Carol by Charles Dickens? What do you **think** I do for a living? Read? I don't have time for reading._

_So. The puppet didn't care that the boy died..._

_*GASP*_

_*AHHHHH*_

_*MONSTER NOISES*_

_*FUCKING GODZILLA*_

_What? This isn't a Godzilla movie? This is a fan fiction about me talking about me killing a-_

_What? I didn't say anything. I never killed a child. What are you talking about? That child I killed definitely isn't Golden Freddy in any way. I definitely didn't kill the 4 original animatronics when they were humans and turned them into animatronics..._

_Erm... yeah..._

_SHUT UP!_

_Okay. So the puppet didn't care. He was visited by ghosts._

_*NOOOOOOOOOOOOO! The zombies ate your braaainnzzz...*_

_WE AREN'T PLAYING PLANTS VS ZOMBIES!_

_FUCK YOU, CHICA!_

_AND THEY'RE GHOSTS! NOT FUCKING ZOMBIES!_

_WHAT!?_

_FUCK YOU!_

_Look! I actually quit. I'm leaving. I'm gonna go and listen to me beats. See you later, human... wait. You're a human, right?_

_WHY HAVEN'T WE STUFFED THIS MOTHER FUCKER YET!? HE'S A FUCKING HUMAN! KILL HIM! WHY AM I TELLING HIM SOME RANDOM STORY!?_

_KILL THE HUMAN! FOXY, GET YOUR ASS DOWN HERE AND KILL THE HUMAN!_

_..._

_He ain't coming..._

_Fuck you human. Go away. I want to listen to my songs._

_"ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAAAS IS YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!"_

_Yeah that's not copy right at all..._


	2. Chapter 2: Puppet the Red-nosed Reindeer

"ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAAAS IS YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!"

_Yeah that's not copy right at all..._

"DECK THE HALLS WITH BOUGHS OF FUCK ME! FALALALALLAALALAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"

_what?_

"RUDOLPH, THE SHIT NOSED REINDEER!"

_that's disgusting._

"FUCK MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE"

_W-W-Wha..._

"AWAY IN A SHITHOLE! THE BABY JESUS SLEPT! I FORGOT THE WORDS TO THIS CHRISTMAS CAROL! SO GO FUCK YOSELF!"

_Bonnie, that's not how you sing that song._

"FUCK YOU TOO!"

_..._

_FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU_

"Pop! Goes the Puppet!"

"Hey! Good job! We made him explode!"

"Now how do we put his body parts back together again?"

"I dunno. I didn't know we'd get this far..."

...

"FUCK!"

**_A BIT OF TIME LATER..._**

_Who fixed me? Because I'm fuckin- woah... hello..._

_I just got a boneeeer..._

_WOAH! Baby! Why you runnin' away? DON'T LEAVE ME! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!_

_And that's how I lost my girlfriend._

"W-what? Paul, what the fudge is wrong with you?"

_I don't know, Freddy. I just like scary and heart-stopping stories._

"That wasn't scary."

_FUCK YOU, BONNIE! I CAN DO WHAT I WANT!_

"Yeah, but-"

_FUCK YOU, BONNIE!_

"W-"

_FUCK YOU, BONNIE!_

_..._

"Alright, I'm leavin-"

_FUCK YOU, BONNIE!_

_Ah! He's gone. And so is everyone else. I got no friends..._

_WHATEVER! WHO NEEDS 'EM!_

_I GOT YOU! AND... THAT'S ABOUT IT..._

_Ok... that's it. I don't even know why you're here._

_Wait? Another Christmas story? NO WAY!_

_You liked my last one? OH, YES! FUCK, YEAH!_

_Ah, could you wait a second please? I gotta go kill Jeremy the 2nd._

**_Half an hour of screaming later..._**

_Alright, he's dead. FREDDY! COME OVER HERE AND WIND UP THE FUCKING MUSIC BOX!_

"NO!"

_NO! YOU'RE GOING TO COME OVER HERE YOUNG MAN! COME OVER HERE AND WIND UP MY MUSIC! COME HERE!_

_OUCH!_

_*scuffle* *punch* *kick*_

_*OW!* *FUCK YOOU*_

_*punch* *kapow*_

_Alright, Freddy. SAY HELLO TO THE AUDIENCE! BEFORE I BEAT YOU UP AGAIN YOU MO'FUCKA!_

"Helloooo..."

_GOOD! NOW WIND UP THE MUSIC BOX!_

_..._

_NOT LIKE THAT! YOU'RE MEANT TO DO IT QUICKLY! NOT LIKE THAT YOU DICK! AGHHHH!_

_..._

_I-I'm sorry for a second. Uhh... Freddy just lost his head. I think I beat him up a little too much. Uhhh..._

"HOLY SHIT! 'NETTE WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO!?"

_That wasn't my fault. I just wanted him to wind up the music box. Also, FUCK YOU, BONNIE!_

_..._

_Pop. Pop. Pop. Pop. Pop. Pop. Pop. Pop._

_Wait. Why am I in a jail cell? Oh..._

_I killed a man._

_HEY! SPARKY! COME OVER HERE YOU BITCH!_

"I'm a man actually. I can't be a bitch."

_I DON'T CARE! WIND UP MY MUSIC BOX! I CAN'T DO IT MYSELF!_

"S-sure?"

_So... what're you in for?_

"Fuck that. I don't know what I'm doing here. I'm only here for the plot."

_..._

_I'm here for murder. Murdering people is fun. I do it alot._

"I-I'm sorry? Wait, what are you doing with that cleaver... NO! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

_That's one problem solved._

_I WIN!_

"DECK THE HALLS WITH JOLLY OF BOLLY UP MY ARSE! BECAUSE I CAN!"

_BONNIE! HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET HERE!_

"I dunno."

_..._

_FUCK YOU, BONNIE!_

_Are we gonna start with the story? I kind of killed a man. 2 times._

"Oh yeah. I remember that. You killed Freddy."

_Shut up, Bianca._

"MY NAME ISN'T BIANCA FOR GODS SAKE! I'M BONNIE! THE BUNNY OF THE ROCK! FUCK YOU BRAH! ROUNDHOUSE KIIIIIIIIIIIIIICK!"

_AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!_

_*thunk*_

_Who knew Bonnie the Rockstar could pack such a punch._

_Alright I'm going to faint now. Because this HURTS! FUCK YOU, BONNIE!_

_*faint*_

_Alright am I back? Good._

_Wait... I'm in the middle of the desert. AND THERE'S NO ONE HERE!_

_YAS! I CAN NOW TELL YOU MY STORY!_

_So this one is about a Puppet. Like my last one. Except this is a different Puppet._

_He was tortured to pull a fat man's sleigh._

_Oh my god I actually just went 2 sentences into the story without Bonnie interrupting me._

_I hate him._

"Actually I'm a girl."

_HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET HERE!?_

"I flew. With my ears."

_So wait, you're telling me your not... what I thought you were?_

"Wait, wait, wait... 'Nette. What the fuck did you think I was?"

_A gay man._

_..._

"WHAT!? LISTEN TO MY FUCKING VOICE!"

_I thought you hadn't gone through puberty yet._

"I-I... what!? Why do you think I like Wahyu!?"

_Because you're gay._

_*facepalm*_

"Why do you think my name is Bianca when I was a child?"

_You had your name legally changed._

"P-Paul, what is Chica?"

_A girl._

"What am I?"

_A boy that had their name legally changed that hasn't gone through puberty yet that is gay._

_..._

"I-I'm not even surprised... COME HERE YOU LITTLE BITCH!"

_RUUUUUUUNNn!_

_I RAN AWAY!_

_RUUUN!_

_BONNIE'S GONNA KILL ME!_

_Wait..._

_*slowly holds up walkie-talkie*_

_White-face to BB_

_White-face to BB._

_CAN YOU HEAR ME!?_

"YAY! Balloons!"

_BB STOP PLAYING WITH YOUR STUPID BALLOONS AND HELP ME HERE!_

"What do you want, 'Nette."

_CALL DOWN AN AIRSTRIKE ON BONNIE!_

"Why?"

_BECAUSE I SAID SO!_

"Why?"

_JUST DO IT!_

"Why?"

_..._

"Why? Oh, wait. He's dead."

_..._

_HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELP!_

_I DON'T HAVE ARMS._

_SHE TORE OFF MY FUCKIN' LEGS!_

_AGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!_

_*ded not pig soup rice...*_

_Fuck this. I'm trying to tell a nice story, but people are being dicks._

_FUCK YOU, BONNIE!_

_FUCK YOU, BONNIE!_

_AND FUCK YOU, BB!_

_..._

_Good. I'm leaving now. I hate you bastards._

* * *

><p><strong>What is wrong with me. Heh... hope you guys liked that. SPIFFING CHAPTER IF I DO SO SAY MYSELF! Exquisite wine.<strong>

**Puppet thought Bonnie was a gay man. BB didn't call in the balloon airstrike. Sparky died. And so did Freddy. Good job, Puppet. Good job.**

_Well I'm sorry!_

**FUCK YOU, PUPPET!**


	3. Chapter 3: It's not even Christmas :'(

_HELLO, GOOD SIR! THE PUPPET, HERE!_

_Wait, what?_

_No, I do not want to take none of your shit, Goldie!_

_..._

_Fuck you._

_I'm going to hang up now..._

_Alright, chaps. People loved my story-telling. It's not even Christmas anymore. Why am I even here?_

_Prizzzzeeeee CORNER!_

_Oh, wow! It's actually going to be a NORMAL chapter for once._

_Come little children..._

_I'll take thee away..._

_Into a land of enchantment..._

_Come little children..._

_The time's come to pla-_

_"YOU'RE A DIIIICK!"_

_Oh, shit._

_FUCK YOU, BONNIE! LET ME SING! SIIIINGINIIIIINGGGGG TIIIIIMEEEEE!_

_NO! NUUUUU!_

_:3_

_Go away, Bonnie._

_"Okay."_

_..._

_I'm bored. Much bored. So wow._

_Lol..._

_Is that what the youth of these days say today?_

_LOL! L-O-L! L to the O to the L! L! O! L!_

_Okay, that's boring now..._

_Hey, what's this thing? What's the point of this thing? It looks like a metal banana..._

**_"Hello? Uh... Hello, hello?"_**

_Great, the metal banana is talking now._

**_"I wanted to record a message for you... to get you settle-"_**

_Shut up, metal banana!_

**CCRRRRUUNCH!**

_Well, I'm happy now. FUCK YOU, METAL BANANA!_

_It's not even Christmas, anymore. I don't even know why I'm here. I don't even know why I bothered to keep this fanfiction going._

_I think it was the joy and happiness I brought to peoples faces... *sniff*... it was so beautiful..._

_I didn't bring any joy and happiness. Ah! THERE'S a gay Bonnie!_

_"Wot?"_

_HEY! LOOK AT IT! HAHAHA! It has so much make up on! HAHA! Fucking Toy Bonnie. You are the most gay rabbit I've ever seen in my entire LIFE!_

_"Shut the fuck up, Puppet!"_

_NO! :D_

_..._

_Toy Freddy looks gay too. Mangle looks gay as well..._

_Oh... my... god..._

_It's Chica..._

_IT'S SO FUCKING BEAUTIFUL!_

_I'M FUCKING CRYING!_

_YEEEEEESSSS!_

_THANK YOU, SCOTT! THANK YOU, SO MUCH!_

_*the staring is intensifying*_

_Alright, that's boring._

_Ah, well. I still got these hot pockets._

_EUGH! THESE AREN'T HOT POCKETS! THESE ARE... COLD POCKETS!_

_Wait. These are Jeremy's hot pockets. How long ago did I kill him...? Long ago... 10 YEARS AGO!_

_OH, MY GOOOOOOOOOOOOOD!_

_What the fuck is going on?_

_This is the most random piece of shit I've ever read._

**_PUPPET REACTS TO:_**

**_SOME FANFICTION. Wot?_**

**_THIS EPISODE:_**

**_I DON'T FUCKING KNOW._**

_Wait, what? Why did I appear in this random room? Who the fuck are you bastards? WHY AM I HERE!?_

_*laptop turns on*_

_What is this..._

_Oh... my god. It's a Boxy fan fiction..._

_So... awesome! I HAVE TO READ! NOW!_

_*ten minutes later*_

_That was the most gay thing I've ever seen in my entire life! But it was so BRILLIANT! Y'know why? Because I'm glad I will never see that, in real life. Even if Bonnie's a girl in this fan fiction... I don't care. Wait, is this a Mike x Foxy one...?_

_*ten minutes again*_

_OH MY GOD! WHAT! WHAT IS THIS!? WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!?_

_I'm going to cry... *vomits*_

_Oh, my god... *vomits again*_

_BLUEGHHHHHHHHHH! BLUEGHHHHH!_

_IT'S SO DISGUSTING! AGHHHHHHHHHhhhhhHHHH!_

_Someone kill me..._

_Bluegh. Disgusting. I hate gay peo- (**I'm bisexual. I do not hate gay people. Don't scream at me. Scream at Puppet.)**_

"Don't be homophobic, Puppet."

_FUCK YOU BONNIE!_

"Fuck you, too!"

_Hey, Bonnie. I read a Boxy fan fic-_

"Stop there. Never say anything about that, ever again. Nope. So much nope."

_HA! I NOW KNOW HOW TO BLACKMAIL THAT PURPLE RABBIT! MEHEHEHEHEHEH!_

_*evil laugh intensifies*_

_*COUGH COUGH*_

_Ugh... evil laughs are hard. :'(_

_Now it's time to go and be a pervert..._

_*one day of being a pervert, later*_

_I saw some pretty disturbing stuff, today..._

_Eheheh..._

_Oh, shit..._

_Time to go and kill BB!_

_FUCK YOU, BB!_

_Hello, good sir. Could you tell me your name?_

_"My name... is Edward... EDWARD KENWAYYYYYYY!"_

_KILL BB FOR ME, EDWARD KENWAY!_

_"YAAAAAAAAAASSSSSS"_

_LET US GO, GOOD SIR! LET US GO AND KILL MEN, TOGETHER!_

_"YÀÁÂÄÆÃÅĀĀÅÃÆÄÂÁÀŚŠŚŠŚŠ!"_

_What were all those symbols fo-_

**_PUPPET REACTS TO:_**

**_VIDEO GAMES, I THINK!_**

**_THIS EPISODE:_**

**_SOME RANDOM SHIT!_**

_Oh, fuck. I'm back in this room... with you fuckers._

_LEAVE ME ALONE! STOP KIDNAPPING ME AND PUTTING ME IN THIS ROOM AND HOLDING ME FOR RANSOM! NUUUUUUU!_

_"I just want them to be beautiful! But they always turn out wrong! D':"_

_Wtf?_

_"What's this? An intruder?"_

_Nope. I'm just your friendly household neighbour. Lookin' for some sugar. Y'got sugar?_

_"He's ugly!"_

_What the fuck did you say about me? UWOTM80? 1V1MEDUSTBOWLM890! ILL360NOCOPYEM80!_

_"UGLY! UGGGLLLLLYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!"_

_AHHH! HE'S SHOOTING ME! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!_

_*ded. Not pig soup rice*_

_Fuck me. Fuck this game._

_Wot._

_0.o_

_Five Nights at Fuckboys? Nah, m8. Fuck this. GR8 B8 M8 I R8 8/8! DON'T MEAN TO SEEM IR8 M8, BUT WE SHOULD REALLY CONVERS8, DON'T H8!_

_Fuck this game._

_*leaves*_

_So. I don't even know what this fan fiction is anymore..._

_Fuck you, Bonnie..._

_Wait, that reminds me!_

_EDWARD KENWAY! COME HERE!_

_"Yes, mah killin' bro?"_

_DID YOU KILL BB!?_

_"I thought I'd put that off so we could both kill him."_

_I like the way you think, good sir! LET US GO AND KILL MEN!_

_*ten minutes later*_

_Here we are... the game room._

_THERE HE IS! GET HIM!_

_DIE, BB!_

_"NOOOO! D: NOT MY BALLOONS! NOT MY-"_

_POP! GOES THE BALLOONS!_

_"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! HOW COULD YOU DO THIS!? HOW!? WHYYYYYY!?"_

_MWAHAHAHAHAHA! NOW DIE, BB!_

_*ded. not pig soup rice*_

_Wait a second... I died? WHY!?_

_"I died too!"_

_GADDAMMIT, EDWARD KENWAY! YOU HAD ONE JOB! ONNNEEEE JOBBBBB!_

_"I'm sorry man!"_

_*DESYNCHRONISED*_

_Oh shit. He just died in front of me..._

_Well.._

_We failed to kill BB, because he has supernatural fan fiction powers. I ded and in hell now._

_Heh..._

_What a great day!_

_Fuck me..._

_I'm going to play some DayZ!_

"Остановите прямо там!"

The Russians have already got me...


End file.
